


E is for Elbow Grease

by Metrowolf



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: I REGRET NOTHING, Multi, Oh god, So many AUs, So many ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:13:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metrowolf/pseuds/Metrowolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, how this is going to work, each chapter is going to be a different au, pairing, everything. Some are tumblr prompts, some are old fics from the jamboree last year that I polished up and made new. The chapter title will be the ship, and if people like any au in particular i might make it it's own story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Texas/Church

Church threw his entire body weight, an unimpressive hundred and sixty three point five pounds, into the barn door with a wild cry. The cry turned to one of alarm as he harmlessly bounced off the door, doing absolutely no damage to them at all. Again he pressed his weight against the door, only to scramble uselessly, his feet slipping in the dirt. Allison snickered from somewhere behind him, and even though he looked at her with annoyance at least she wasn't full out laughing. 

“This barn is a curse and I hate it,” Church said finally, huffing and tugging at the collar of his shirt. They had only been on the old farm for about half an hour and he was already starting to get sweaty. Church was not and never claimed to be an outdoors man. His natural habitat was sitting at his desk on his laptop, the only light touching his skin the soft glow of the screen. 

“It is not you big baby,” Allison replied, walking up behind him. She pressed a single palm against the door and forced it open. The door groaned in protest, but it swung inward at her command. Church stuck his tongue out behind her back, only to bite it in surprise when she said, “I know you're doing the face Church and I'm telling you right you better knock that shit out.” 

Church made a gagging noise, sticking his tongue out again to make sure he wasn't bleeding. “Wasn't doing the face,” he muttered, even though there was no point. They both knew he was lying. 

They walked into the barn, and Church cringed at the wave of smells that hit him. He didn't know what he was expecting, it was raw and gross and exactly what he had encountered the last time he visited Allison's farm in Texas. Even if it was familiar it was still unpleasant, and lord knew he was going to complain about it. 

“Why did we come out here again?” Church asked, crossing his arms.

Allison glanced back at him, a genuine smile on her face that wasn't going to be wiped away by her boyfriend's poor attitude. “Don't you just love it out here? I get so tired of all that city life, it's nice to just get back in the open you know?” She paused, her grin taking on a more teasing tone. “In fact, I'm surprised my parents agreed to let you stay with them again after that shit you pulled last time.”

“I stand firmly by my original excuse, no one told me you shouldn't wash a chicken. You know I don't like animals,” Church frowned at her. “Well, except for dogs. Dogs are cool and we should get one.”

They walked down the center aisle of the barn, passing several stalls on either side. Most of them were empty, the various animals that belonged in them were out in the fields, save for the last stall on the left side. As they approached a large black stallion snorted contemptuously at them, tossing his mane.

“Hey Omega, you son of a bitch,” Allison said affectionately, leaning on the edge of the gate. Church knew if he tried to pull a stunt like that the creature would bite off whatever body part was closest. Omega was not a horse, he was hell spawn sent to destroy all life on earth. Why Allison wasted any with the beast was a riddle Church could not comprehend.

“You know what we should do? Not take him out,” Church commented, making sure to stay several feet from the stall.

“Oh, I keep forgetting what a giant wimp you are when it comes to riding. Why do you hate horses again?” Allison asked, looking away from Omega. The horse took the chance to step closer, snuffling her long blonde hair.

Church pointed noncommittally, “look at that thing! First of all, that thing is huge, it could crush me if it really wanted to.”

“I'd like to crush you sometimes,” Allison interjected, rolling her eyes.

“Was that sexual?” Church raised an eyebrow. “Because if it was I'm not sure I'm into that. But anyway, the second thing is that the concept of the horse is the fucking craziest shit.”

“The concept?”

“Shut up, I'm getting there. Like, these giant powerful animals exist, but then they let us capture them and ride them and it is acceptable in modern society. We used to ride these things into battle. We measure the strength of our cars by how man horses can fit in an engine!”

“That's not what horse-powered means,” Texas chuckled.

“Horses,” Church repeated for emphasis.

“Fine, I wasn't going to force you to ride any of the horses anyway. I just want you to make an effort to enjoy yourself while you're out here Church. This is a vacation!” Allison implored him. She stepped away from the stall, and gave Church a quick peck on the cheek as she passed. Then she tossed her hair in a way that would make Omega jealous before heading back towards the front of the barn.

Church watched her go, transfixed for a moment. He was always astounded by the way she moved, whether she was kicking ass or walking away from him in cowboy boots of all things. Allison was right of course, even if he didn't like the countryside like she did, Church should do his damnedest to relax and clear his head. He grinned after a moment, finally following her out. It was a vacation after all.

 


	2. Texas/South

 South's breath was coming in quick gasps, a bad sign, and stood on her tip toes as she watched the scene in front of her with disbelieving eyes. South was the fucking best, she never lost, yet this new girl had her on her last legs. Beaten and dying like some rookie. South's purple armor was speckled with blood, broken in strategic places. Tex may have been new to the platform, but she knew exactly how to play the game, and like an idiot South had believed she had the advantage.

“I can't lose here,” South grimaced, holding herself up in the last display of pride she had. This wasn't just her game, but her field.

Tex laughed back at her, a sound that betrayed no mirth.

South charged her, but Texas danced around the obvious move. She pulled a blade, sinking it deep into South's side while the older woman tried to turn back around. South collapsed with a gasp, her brother letting out a sharp cry from behind her.

The screen flashed. WINNER: PLAYER TEXAS

“This is some bullshit!” South raged, throwing her controller at the couch.

North just clapped his hands. “Well done Tex! I knew inviting you to game night was going to be a show!”

“Thanks,” Texas chuckled, “but I probably should have warned you I'm a boss at Halo. Might have saved your sister some embarrassment.” She smirked. Texas set the controller down and watched South hop around the room in fury. To some the display might have been juvenile, but Texas could only appreciate her passion for the game.

North and Texas sat in complete silence as South continued to curse up a storm, glancing at each other and laughing whenever she came up with something outrageous. “Cock gobbler” and “Cunt waffle” actually reduced North to tears. After a minute South composed herself, picked up the controller and sat back down. “Let's play again,” she said seriously.

“You sure?” Texas raised an eyebrow.

“I will play until I beat you,” South vowed.

“Oh but South, I didn't bring an overnight bag,” Texas complained. North laughed again.

“Just give me a little time to warm up, I will have you begging for mercy.”

“Is that a promise? I'll have you know that I don't take kindly to teasing,” Texas smirked.

“Annnnd that is my cue to leave,” North said awkwardly, standing up and stretching. “There's no way I was going to beat either of you anyway, I suck at close combat.”

They tried to finished another round after North left, they really did, but there were more important things than video games to attend to.  


End file.
